Posts by Seeking Knowledge

37

So which Desperate Housewife are you?

by TresHappy in

.

in honor of my favorite show finally returning to new episodes this easter sunday, click on the link below and take the test - .

http://abc.go.com/primetime/desperate/quiz/index.html

Seeking Knowledge

'bout time eh?? (new episodes)

I'm Susan...my friends tell me I'm like her. Just wish I had her body!! hmmm.......

25

Hello everyone!

by MissMelly in

jw
friends

hi everyone, my name is melissa.this site is the best!

i used to be a member on this forum a couple years ago, but have since list all my past information.

but alas, i have returned.

How do you handle a Volitile Ex??

by Seeking Knowledge in

jw
friends

my ex....is an idiot.

i have had problems with him from the get go when it comes to custody of our son.

we have gone to court and established some ground rules, which he consistantly bends & twists to suit him.

Seeking Knowledge

Once he realizes you aren't putty to be played with, he'll test it a few more times, but likely give up. It IS about power and control and he still delights in pulling your chain. Pull back, and its a whole lot less fun. Just be careful to stay to the letter of what you can legally do, and document where he breaks the rules. If challenged in court or mediation as to why the visitation time got more restrictive, tell the truth, that he abused that privilege and so you felt you had no choice. You would have rather been open and given your son as much time as possible with dad.
That way you present the truth, a mom who wants to be cooperative, and a dad that just wants to be an ass.

yep...that's correct!! Our papers state he returns our son to daycare on Friday morning, unless he is working then I pick up at 5 (which means he will never work another Friday again ) HE states that he can pick our son up whenever he wants to because Friday is his day (it's not) and he has the right to put his son in whatever daycare HE deems necessary (ie: the wife), which he does not.

He's playing a game...yes...documented yes...my only recourse at this moment is to wait for my attorney to get off vacation (damn her) and I'm no longer able to accomodate his schedule and stick 100% to the custody order. I thought we could work it out, he's clearly not interested in what I have to say. As far as daycare goes, yes, I hired her, I pay her and she (the wife) is NOT on the list and is NOT allowed to pick up our son, so he IS really really not thinking about the consequences. I am not putting my son in the middle for now. I'll go with the flow for the moment...and I've got some more rope for him to hang himself with.

I've learned with him that if I say it's blue he says it's green. If I tell him what I don't like, he does it, if I tell him I don't like it he does it. I've hoped for too long that he will get over himself and we could get along & work together for the sake of our son, but he insists on playing childish games...but now he's pissed me off for the last time...and my scottish blood is boiling....and dammit, I'm tired of his stupidity.....I don't have to put up with that anymore!! I'm not with him anymore and none of this is in my son's best interest. He's very passive aggressive and I continue to play into that. Not anymore....

So frustrating!! SK

34

How do you handle a Volitile Ex??

by Seeking Knowledge in

jw
friends

my ex....is an idiot.

i have had problems with him from the get go when it comes to custody of our son.

we have gone to court and established some ground rules, which he consistantly bends & twists to suit him.

Seeking Knowledge

I spoke to my daycare lady today and she agreed that he & the wife were only doing this to get to me. To make a longer story short (too late), my ex is to take our son to his daycare Friday morning, for me to pick up after work. I was looking forward to not having to go to his parents house anymore, but he asked that if he were to get off work early, could he pick up our boy then, probably around 3-3:30. I thought about it & said "sure why not" as I didn't see any problem with him spending more time with dad (getting used to him etc). Needless to say, found out that the last few weeks, he's been removing our son not when he gets off work, but shortly before lunch, disrupting our sons scheduled day and having his wife going there. He knows this was not the agreement, his wife is NOT to pick up our son. He even went to the trouble of calling me when he got off work to let me know that he would be picking him up (calling me to let me know was our verbal agreement). Why go to the trouble of calling me at 3:30 to let me know he was going to get our son if he already had physical custody of him since 12:30?? EXACTLY..... I didn't know until my daycare lady mentioned that she thought that was odd. I have to preface: I told her prior to all this that his dad would be picking him up early so she was under the impression that I knew about this. This is what sparked the latest episode of his utter & complete ignorance. He called me & told me that HE decided HE would take our son out whenever HE wanted to and HE didn't have to discuss it with me as what he does with our son on "his time" is "his business". Our agreement only states that IF he doesn't have to work then he can keep our son until I get off work, otherwise he goes back to daycare, this past Thursday he admitted that he was working on Friday. So again, "shooting foot disease" is his problem.

IT's not about our son, never has been with him, his fight has been with me for whatever reason...and the biggest mistake I make on this is to try to reason with him. It's impossible. My attorney is out of town on vacation until later this month so I have to deal with this until then. I'm not going to fight him about Friday's until then. Give the boy enough rope and well you know the rest!! I'm a bit calmer than I was last week, but I haven't given up. I want to know why this "doctor" that did work on my boy did so without MY consent. That's another issue for the lawyer.

Thanks for your kind words again all.....I guess the best way to handle such an idiot is to continue documenting & letting the lawyer handle it. I'll only talk to him when I have to during exchanges altho it's hard--very hard--not to react when it comes to my son.

SK

34

How do you handle a Volitile Ex??

by Seeking Knowledge in

jw
friends

my ex....is an idiot.

i have had problems with him from the get go when it comes to custody of our son.

we have gone to court and established some ground rules, which he consistantly bends & twists to suit him.

Seeking Knowledge

Wow...you guys are awesome....really the input is appreciated. I went to get my son this evening and the entire clan was in the living room waiting for me. Usually they scatter like cockroaches (no joke) but today, they were all there. They were nice, engaging me in small talk, but nice. Except the wife, you can almost cut the animosity with a knife when she sees me. I collected my son & I went on my way. First thing he said to me when we left the house was "Mom, I don't want to go see my dad" and that just breaks my heart. I told him that his dad loves him and loves to spend time with him, but for now he was going home, we'd see his dad later.

Trust that what you do and say now will have a profound effect on him. Even if you do not see it now, you will in the future. Communication in a resonable and calm manner with your son will reward you when he decides to make 'his own conclusions' on what is going on. Trust yourself and your love for your child

I have moments of calm, when I think it will be alright, when I think that my son will be ok thru all this, and I have a moment of peace. It never lasts, always in the back of my mind is the question "what will he do next?" I try not to let it ruin my time with my son, and I am making an extra effort to make sure no matter what, he knows his mom & dad love him. Mostly I make plans for us to do things.

I do keep a journal by the way, since his father left us...every word, every action...everything. When we went to our custody settlement, the judge said "I'm not interested in what he did in the past". I still keep the journal, she sure will be interested in the present!

Thanks again all...my heart is soothed a bit!!

SK

and I forgot to add....my heart goes out to all of you in the same position. Like you said to me, keep your chin up & trust yourselves and your kids will be the better for it!!

57

I just did an evil

by seven006 in

jw
friends

i went down to the local 7/11 a few miles from my house to by some 7/11 stuff.

as i was standing at the counter i glanced out at my car to see a little cheerleader wannabe girl leaning against it.

she was drinking a slushy type drink talking to her bubble gum little chicky buddies in her mom's new lincoln navigator next to my car.

Seeking Knowledge

I needed a laugh after this day...thank you.....bwaaahahahahahahha

34

How do you handle a Volitile Ex??

by Seeking Knowledge in

jw
friends

my ex....is an idiot.

i have had problems with him from the get go when it comes to custody of our son.

we have gone to court and established some ground rules, which he consistantly bends & twists to suit him.

Seeking Knowledge

If your ex-husband is unwilling to communicate with you regarding medical, schooling, etc. decisions then the court will re-consider joint legal custody. The court favors joint custody in situations where the parents are able to work together from what I have read.

that's exactly what my attorney told me. We have joint custody...there are stipulations and he's bent them any way he can. He refuses to communicate with me. Did I overreact?? Perhaps, but I would talk to my ex before I took him in for any procedure he didn't agree with. In that the back thing has been an issue from day one. I don't think a kid needs his back popped or "manipulated". that being said, it may not do any harm but I don't agree with it. He has never presented me with a good reason for it being done and even my sons' doctor said it wasn't good to do to "growing bones". The point is the man REFUSES to talk to me..bottom line. I don't think he should disregard my opinions or my concerns as the boys mother....but he does!

When I try to bring ANYTHING up to him including behaviour problems, he shrugs me off as if anything I have to say is not important. He told me last nite that he didn't care if I lost our sons spot in daycare and didn't care if I opposed things he does. He stated that when our son is with him what he does with him is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. This raises flags with me. If my son is in an accident and should require a blood transfusion or something, will he call me? I'm thinking not! Our custody agreement says I have final say on that, but if I'm not there how can I? He would deliberatly withhold this from any doctor. He does not care what the custody agreement says because he does not believe he should follow anyones rules but his own. My pediatrician is aware of the blood thing, but an ER is not, and would they be in time?? This is why I overreact!

What he is doing is pushing the very buttons that set off my alarms...."overreacting" is all I have. This isn't the first time he's pulled this. It's almost as if he has nothing at all better to do with his life than to figure out ways to push me. I've had enough. I do react to him, and while I'd like to think I will get better, it's hard not to react when he is using my son, an obvious emotional tool!

As respects the therapy thing, I have the same problem, everyone I talked to said my sons' father would have to sign to approve anyone to examine our son. According to my attorney, there's not much I can do about that right now. We both feel that he won't do it, and well that's just another shot foot for him. He's running out of feet!!

I appreciate all your responses, they help. I'm just so frustrated when it comes to this idiot & his blatant disregard for the rules. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, but I do stick to the rules and I do try to do right by my son. I don't argue with his dad in front of him I don't undermine his authority when I see it happening, and I've tried to show his dad respect. It just keeps getting harder!!

SK....

34

How do you handle a Volitile Ex??

by Seeking Knowledge in

jw
friends

my ex....is an idiot.

i have had problems with him from the get go when it comes to custody of our son.

we have gone to court and established some ground rules, which he consistantly bends & twists to suit him.

Seeking Knowledge

Yea, I called my lawyer left a message....awaiting a phone call..

Jgnat...awesome..that's exactly what I need. I copied the pertinent info for him to look at and kept it available under my favorites. I doubt he'll read it. He tends to not believe in self help books or outside help. I think I may just hand it to him tonite when I pick up my son, maybe I'll get lucky & he'll be receptive to it. I can only try at this point.

Thanks all....it helps!

SK

43

Hi everybody I'm new

by LongHairGal in

jw
friends

i am a long time lurker who has come out of the closet.

i have read many fine posts here and feel for all of you who have been hurt by the witnesses.

they are a lying, unaccountable organization - with an emphasis on the word unaccountable!

Seeking Knowledge

Welcome!

SK

34

How do you handle a Volitile Ex??

by Seeking Knowledge in

jw
friends

my ex....is an idiot.

i have had problems with him from the get go when it comes to custody of our son.

we have gone to court and established some ground rules, which he consistantly bends & twists to suit him.

Seeking Knowledge

Bottom line -- they can't be handled

I'm realizing this now....its just so very frustrating. I try to make it right by our son, always allowing more time with his dad when he (my ex) asks and always making sure that he knows his dad loves him & wants to spend time with him. For all the effort I give, I get squat from my ex. I don't want to be the enemy...but they are going out of their way to make sure they keep me in that position.

Ex's...can't live with them....can't shoot them.

SK....